Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
A testy lady stood at the counter, tapping her foot in irritation. She had a big purse and an excessive amount of gold jewelry. She kept sighing, deep, dramatic heaves. The sweet little workers just ignored her and went about their business.
She hefted her massive purse onto the counter and sighed again. This time a little spittle flew out of her mouth.
I looked around to see if anyone else was noticing the show. But I was alone. And then it hit me. I was not alone. I glanced down at my belly and realized Butch Ann was right there with me.
I wanted to pat my stomach and whisper, "Don't you ever act like that lady. Be nice to people who work in the food industry. It's a hard job, plus, they can spit in your food." But I didn't. Because I don't want anyone to see me talking to myself and I have no interest in an involuntary 48 hour psych lock-up.
But it was a moment where I realized that Butch Ann and I... we're a team. We're in this together. It was a very nice moment.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
I'm pretty sure that's what I've been doing to God lately.
Don't get me wrong. He's a big God. He's capable of handling our true feelings. He's capable of handling our praise, our love, our doubt, our anger... and our needs.
But feeling whiny is not a good thing.
I left the house early this morning and pulled over beside this lake. I grew up on this street. I fed ducks and geese crust and learned to ride my bike here. I sat in my car and watched the sun come up over the water. I thought about my needs. I thought about whether or not God would answer me.
It's safe to say we all have a lot of needs. We need comfort, peace, healing, and safety. We need raises, shorter commutes, more time with our families. We need reliable cars, roofs that don't leak. We need hope, health, and love.
I plan to continue talking with God. I plan to continue to remind him of the things we need. But there seems to be a balance I have trouble walking. A balance between requesting things of God, and trusting him. A balance of asking, yet knowing His will, whatever that may be, is good.
So I will spend more time in the early morning just sitting. Sitting and watching the sun light up the water. Because it's in calm moments like this I'm reminded everything is going to be OK.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.John 16:33
Monday, September 20, 2010
1. The idea of a real live human being gestating in my stomach probably would have made me throw up even more. Let's face it... the whole concept is very Sigourney-Weaver-Alien-ish.
2. It delayed the inevitable freak out moment.
But this early this morning, approximately 4 am, I had that moment.
It all sunk in. What we'd done. What was going to happen. The fact that our lives are never, ever, going to be the same again.
But more than that, I realized I'm going to be a mother. Not in theory. Not in a sometime-way-down-the-road scenario. But soon. In 30 weeks, to be exact.
And that's when I sat up in bed and mumbled, "What am I doing?"
Now some women never doubt their abilities. Some women know from the moment they're old enough to hold a baby doll they will be great mothers. But I'll be honest. Even as a child, even though I had a billion baby dolls and loved them all, I knew even then I wasn't that great at my job.
For example. This picture (the only topless picture I'll ever post of myself here, cross my heart) shows me holding my first and most prized baby doll. Her name was Sandra.
Sandra was loved. See the way I'm gripping her in a vice-like hug? That was my way of showing love. But Sandra also spent an inordinate amount of time lying face down on the floor. I knew, even at four, that baby dolls should not be treated that way. But I had more important things to worry about. Like finding a shirt to wear, or playing with blocks.
I also may or may not have tattooed her face with a ball-point pen.
This is example Number 2. Raggedy Anne was loved. She also accidentally went swimming in the bathtub. OK, not accidentally. I put her in there on purpose. I knew she had no business drowning in a full tub of water, but I put her there anyway. Because I wanted to see if she could float. See? Not a good mother.
Friday, September 17, 2010
"Excuse me, take that down immediately. I have man-hands."
"Dude. I'm untagging myself. I have the biggest butt in history in that picture."
"Did you not see the Gomer Pyle face I was making? You're mean."
It could be that we're just vain. But I don't think so. No woman wants hundreds of people to see images of her captured forever in time with one eyelid closed and a double chin.
But every now and then a few slip through the cracks. Like these pictures my Mom took of me while we were saying goodbye to Rebecca before she left for China.
I think the only word that can describe me in these is, "Uggo."
But my Mom doesn't agree.
"NO, those are sweet pictures."
There's nothing sweet about forehead wrinkles and a red nose. Just look at Bill Clinton. But still, I think she might have a small point. Because while these might not be the most attractive pictures ever taken of me, they are honest. Because I'll never forget how it felt to say goodbye to her. I miss her terribly.
*Coincidentally... these are the same faces I've been making for the past 11 weeks of first trimester hell. Think I'm being over dramatic? Fine. But don't say it to my face. With all these hormones coursing through my veins I could probably throw someone across the room Hulk style.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
But this year, thanks to BHG, I actually have permission to decorate and craft early. Way early.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
There are four BHG projects in all. Here's a hint at the second one. Let me tell ya, it's starting to feel like craft boot camp around here. But I'm not complaining. Who can complain when they're playing with metallic spray paint and glitter all the time?
So it's September. I see other bloggers talking about fall weather and it makes me sigh, adjust my tank top straps and flip the room fan to high. But, despite the heat, we've gotten a lot of rain. Hours of it. Dark lovely rain. And if you look very closely across the street onto my neighbor's roof... you can see fall leaves.
Friday, September 10, 2010
For the first project, we were asked to create Halloween masks. This is mine. And while there can only be one winner per project, in my opinion, this is a win-win scenario. I mean, doing a project for BHG is award enough, right?
To vote click here. Please do.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Lest anyone think I'm just twiddling my thumbs and barfing... there is a lot going on around here. The Better Homes and Gardens projects have taken center stage, along with my search for fall inspiration. I'm always amazed at the talented ladies and gents of blogworld (this picture included... not my house... I wish) who freely share their decorating ventures.
I've been hunting the net to make sure I wasn't COPYING anyone and that my ideas are fairly original. So far so good. And am I the only one slightly miffed that Martha Stewart and her staff/legions have cornered the market on all things Halloween? Is there ANYTHING she hasn't done?
Oh well. I guess it just forces the rest of us to use our melons and get creative. Now back to barfing, glitter, and pumpkins.