A Walk After Bad Weather

First, let me thank you all of you ladies for the kind comments and advice. It means so much to me! It helped to research all your suggestions, and knowing that I'm not alone in these emotions makes me feel a heck of a lot saner. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you

It's been stormy here. Actually, it's been downright scary. Lots of storms. Lots of tornadoes. Lots of downed trees and smushed houses.

I normally love rainy weather. I love the dark green leaves on trees swaying in the wind, the dark blue sky, the lightening. But I'm ready for a break.

We took Jane on her first walk to celebrate the no-rain afternoon. She's too small for her buggy so we wedged her in with rolled up blankets. I'll be glad when she gains some weight.

The air is always cleaner after a storm.

We soaked in the sun.

But Mabel was the happiest of all. She's getting used to Jane. She likes being included. And she's figured out we're not sending her to the old dog farm just because we had a baby.

A New Leaf

It's a strange thing, motherhood.

I thought I was prepared. I was wrong.

When they said, "you wont get any sleep" I heard "you'll get four or five hours a night." Wrongo.

When they said "the first few weeks are really emotional" I heard "you'll cry a few times like when you have PMS."

Wrongo.

When they said "life gets a lot better at four to six weeks" what I heard was "you'll have better luck changing diapers by then."

Wrongo.

The thing is, some nights we get no sleep. None. Little Jane has inherited her parents bad digestive tracks. She cries. A lot. It's colic. It's no fun.

And I've been emotional. When Jane flails about and gets her foot in a poopy diaper while I'm trying to change her, I cry. When her stomach hurts and she turns red and wails, I cry. I worry that I'm not a good mother. I worry that she doesn't like me. And then I realize those are just my crazy hormones talking. But all the same, there's crying.
And then there's the whole "what in the holy heck happened to my body" syndrome no one tells you about. I went shopping at Target the other day. I only found one shirt that fit. So I bought cheap sandals instead.
But with birth comes a new leaf. A new life. A new child. And even though the beginning is rocky (don't even get me started on how my epidural didn't work), and the first few weeks filled with scary moments and 3 am poopathons, its worth it.

This morning I put Jane in her Moby wrap (a must-have in my opinion) and walked outside, I stared up at the sun. I smelled the roses on the fence line. I realized that all the tears and poopy diapers and frustrations are just a blink of the eye, a tiny price to pay for such a precious little girl. And before I know it she won't be tiny any more. She'll be big and sassy and roll her eyes when I suggest she might want to turn down the music on her headphones before she does permanent damage to her eardrums. And then I'll miss the no-sleep. The hormones. Her tiny little hand that grips my finger when she nurses. It's a new leaf, a new life. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Sugar and Spice

*card adorableness courtesy of the talented Lisa

Sugar and Spice, that's what they say about girls. Jane is no exception.

There's plenty of sugar.

And boatloads of spice.

Nursery Reveal. And Just Call Me Lazarus

Bet you thought I wasn't coming back huh? Yeah. Me too. Just call me Lazarus.

And so after a long nine months of planning, stalling, forgetting, and help from my sainted mother-in-law... here's Jane's nursery.

Linda, or should I say Granny, sewed the bedding. It's a discontinued Swell rose pattern, but luckily we found it online.

The crib is Jenny Lind, also from Linda. She found it online. The lamp in the corner was the "makeover lamp" that took weeks to finish.

I covered the shade in a vintage pillow case. It was the easiest project ever, I just cut out the end and slipped it over the top. It fit like a glove and I hot glued it down.

The dresser was leftover from the former guest room. You can find out all the paint color details here.
The Target chair has turned out to be super comfy...

And Linda also sewed the curtains from a vintage chenille bedspread with added black ruffles on the inside.

We reused the black bookshelves from the living room, and it was fun filling them with some of my childhood toys.

We couldn't forget Jane's first photo.
Mom and Dad also gave me my old dollhouse. It's complete with early 80's style decorations, but that's a whole other post in and of itself.
Auntie Rachel gifted Jane some personalized artwork.

All in all, I'm happy with the nursery. It's not fancy or super put-together. But it's comfortable.
And better yet? It's not pink.

Things Change

There once was a time when I didn't want children. And then there came a time when I was ambivalent about having children. And then... the doubts.

What if I never had kids? How would I feel when it was no longer a possibility? Would I still be assured of those choices? Would I feel lonely? Would I feel sad that Matt and I had never had the opportunity to love a tiny little soul with all our hearts? Other than Mabel, of course.

Let me preface this by saying that kids aren't for everyone. I have many friends who never had children. They are happy. They are fulfilled. They are sure that their choices and their life is the right choice, the happy choice.

But I loved my freedom. I loved my relatively skinny body. I loved going to the late movies with Matt and eating out whenever we wanted. I loved my life. For a long, long time, I loved not having kids.

But a few years ago something started to shift. It was right before Angela died. It was when the doctors told her that children would no longer be a possibility. It was during our conversation, a conversation that will be etched into my mind by her tears and words... that I realized this doesn't last forever. Our opportunities don't stretch out endlessly, year after year. There is a time and place for everything, and sometimes, we miss that doorway. And the door closes. The reality of mortality dawned on me that day, during that conversation, and my heart began to change.

So when we found out we were having a baby, although surprised, I was thankful. I was suddenly filled with the knowledge that this was right. It was good. And now that she's here, I thank God for having a better plan that I did. I thank him for my husband, who is crazier about this tiny girl than any man I've ever seen. I'm thankful for the tears and the ups and downs of this past week. I'm thankful for poopy diapers and Jane's crying when she's hungry. I'm thankful when she's happy, and when she's mad. We call her our angry little tomato then.

The moment she was born, and they placed her in my arms, and the nurse snapped this picture, I knew without a doubt that I was the luckiest woman in the world. And I cried big fat crocodile tears and kissed her and called her my angel in front of a room full of strangers. I didn't care. I realized that the next chapter of our lives is just starting. Things change. Our little family is evidence of that. Thank God.

multitasking

holding jane, holding mabel. kind of. those massive piles of laundry all over the house? they can wait.

Our Girl

our girl has wide bright eyes.

our girl makes dove sounds when she's happy.

our girl stays up all night

our girl gets very still when daddy talks to her

our girl makes mabel hide under the table

our girl is heaven

My Sweet Girl

Lilliann

Ladies, this is a good cause. Click on the photo to read more. If you feel you can help with this cause, the family of Lilliann Rose would be very grateful. Checks can be made payable to: New Beginning Baptist Lilliann Rose Lay Donation Fund and mailed to: P.O. Box 251, McRae, AR 72102. If you have more questions you can read her mom's story here. Any donation made through that site goes directly to Caring Bridge though, not Lily. That is why Cheri's church started this donation fund.

Slowing Down. Way Down.

Projects are moving veeerrrryyy slowly around here. It's probably because hoisting this extra 46 pounds (yes that's right... I said 46 pounds) takes its toll. I had a vision of calmly timing contractions, putting my bags in the car and heading the hospital, leaving behind a finished nursery and spotless house. But the reality is my bags are half packed, I'll probably be induced, and I could care less if the house is clean. But this lamp project for the nursery? It will be at least one thing that gets finished, by gosh.

The first thing I did was throw away the original shade. It's my least favorite shape. Then I found a shade at Lowe's, and I'm recovering it with something pretty cool.

And of course I had to spray paint it. But after all that... it's still only half finished. Oh how I long for the days when something like this would have taken a few hours. But now I work for 30 minutes and think to myself, "Wow, that was hard. I deserve a bowl of Blue Bell Sundae ice cream." Hence the 46 pounds.

But it's just part of slowing down. It involves stopping the mad rush to clean or decorate. It means going on maternity leave. It means not checking email so much. It means unplugging. I'm ready to slow down. Way down.

Jane Watch, 2011

Cookie adorableness, courtesy of Kelli Marks. Without getting bogged down in all the details, Jane has received an eviction notice from my doctor. So, if she doesn't decide to come on her own, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And until then I'm finishing up at work. After that? I have big plans to spend a few day sitting in a brightly colored mumu while watching reruns of Mama's Family. Do I own a mumu? No. But I think being an overdue, gigantic, gestating human incubator calls for it.

Walking

There is some unspoken rule that pregnant women, especially the ones about to explode at the seams, are supposed to walk. So I've been doing just that.

The downside is that I can't just stroll out of the house by myself anymore. I'm paranoid I'll fall down. Or go into labor. So I drag Matt and Mabel with me.

Luckily, they don't mind.

Mabel especially doesn't mind, mostly because she relishes scaring the bejeesus out of ducks.

And anyone else unfortunate enough to be walking by.

But that's ok. She deserves a little excitement in her life. Goodness knows she's had enough of my lethargic lifestyle.

And I look forward to seeing these guys. They're big. And fat. And want nothing than to lay in the sun. We've got a lot in common.

An Embarrassment of Riches

I believe this is what they call an embarrassment of riches: A sunny springtime with happy plants. And lots of little girl clothes courtesy of Laura, Brandon, and Harper. Thank you so much guys!

Forlorn

Somebody has her nose out of joint. Somebody is wondering why no one is decorating a special room just for her. After all, she has seniority and no one ever gave her a nursery. I feel badly about this. I really do. But... she'll have to get over it. Plus, I'm fairly sleeping in a crib would totally freak her out.

I've had a few email questions about the fabric and paint colors we're using in Jane's nursery. The fabric on the lamp shade (and soon to be crib bumper/chair pillow) is Moda. I believe it's discontinued, but thankfully my mother-in-law had a stash in her sewing closet, and then found some sheet sets on ebay. Plus she's a fantastic seamstress who is gifting us with all the bedding. You can find out more about the fabric by clicking here.

The paint color we used on the dresser and mirror (which are actually re purposed guest room furniture) is Guacamole (Olympic paint from Lowe's). The walls are my favorite pale gray shade, Seashell Gray (Valspar from Lowe's).

And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to comfort my forlorn little schnauzer with some Paul Newman treats.