Monday, August 29, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
So how am I? Well, I find myself in a new reality. When you go from a totally independent, healthy, working person to, well, something different... it changes things. But you want to know something? I've started putting away my checklists. I've stopped trying to make everything work out. I've slowly started to learn to wait on the Lord.
Monday, August 22, 2011
We find a mirror helps. No matter how foul her mood, she always manages to enjoy looking at herself.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Every doctor I saw in UAMS thought I had MS. I could see it in their faces. And these weren't just any doctors. They were some of the best doctors and neurologists in the country. I would tell them about my hands tingling, my eyes jerking back and forth, the unbelievable vertigo and they would set their jaws and the pupils in their eyes narrowed.
In those days Hezekiah became sick and was at the point of death. And Isaiah the prophet the son of Amoz came to him and said to him, “Thus says the Lord, ‘Set your house in order, for you shall die; you shall not recover.’” Then Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord, saying, “Now, O Lord, please remember how I have walked before you in faithfulness and with a whole heart, and have done what is good in your sight.” And Hezekiah wept bitterly. And before Isaiah had gone out of the middle court, the word of the Lord came to him: “Turn back, and say to Hezekiah the leader of my people, Thus says the Lord, the God of David your father: I have heard your prayer; I have seen your tears. Behold, I will heal you..."
So after the MRI was over they wheeled me back to my room, where I proceeded to have a full nervous break down in front of my entire family. I didn't just wallow in my misery, I bathed in it. And then that night, Dr. Saleem and my nurse Bella came to my room. She was a striking Muslim lady, covered head to toe in black, and she had a smile on her face.
"Mrs. Owen, you have no MS. We all thought you had MS, and you do not. God is good. This is a wonderful thing. Now be strong, be strong for your baby." (I can only assume my day's worth of crying and wailing had become legendary around the hospital floor at that point).
And then Bella reminded me that my strength comes from the Lord.
So that's my story. I'm still sick. Apparently vertigo like mine is a common symptom of migraines (especially with my long family history of regular migraines). Until we find the right medicine I'll still have vertigo. But I turned my face to the wall and prayed. I feel that God changed his mind. I don't understand that. I don't understand how sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't. But I do know that an entire team of brilliant neurologists thought I had MS... and somehow... it turns out I don't.
Thank you Lord.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
So here's the good news. After extensive testing here's what we know. I do not have Lyme. I do not have MS. I do not have cancer. Praise God.
What I do have is a case of shingles that tried to rear it's ugly head. I probably have migraine associated vertigo and a small possibility of Menierre's disease (although no hearing loss, so that's a good sign).
It's going to be a long road back to health. Lots of drug trails. I really hate drugs. I really hate how loopy and dizzy and nauseous I am. But I have a beautiful little girl. I have a wonderful husband who is standing by me. I have precious parents who have put their lives on hold to take care of me and my baby.
And while I've had a lot in common with Jane's picture here... and I have no idea what the future holds or when life will look normal again... I'm still so very thankful. I'm thankful and I love God, even though life isn't fun right now. I wish I were doing this more gracefully, this whole faith thing. But to quote my mom, "Sometimes you just wallow through the tough times and that's as good as you can do." So that's what I'm doing. Wallowing, but still thankful.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
It's been a long time since I spent this much time at home. Probably not since high school. Right now Dad is in the basement. He has a room down there where he stores his hunting equipment (which he hasn't used in years) and a desk where he puts together lessons for the Bible class he teaches. My Mom has been on a mission to give Jane lots of tummy time because, "She spends too much time like a sack of potatoes in the froggy, her arms are likeflippers." It's hilarious. Jane snorts and squeals like an angry little pig.
I've never been so worried or physically felt so bad, but at the same time there's so much peace in this house I grew up in. I look out at the mountains and the sun shines through the green trees and I remember feeling like it was a big tree house.
I've been remembering things I'd forgotten from childhood. There's evidence of it everywhere, from the booger wall in Rachel's room to the height chart marked in pencil in the dining room. I'd forgotten. It's been along time since I slowed down and had time to just think and remember.
I took these pictures a few weeks ago. This was my favorite doll growing up. I named her Vivienne (homage to Vivien Leigh I suppose). Red hair was the most beautiful thing in the world to me. I hated my brown hair. I used to think Anne Shirley was nuts.
But I've been remembering these things. My childhood longing for red hair. The hole in the window upstairs where Rachel hurled a sock full of pennies at Rebecca's head and broke just one layer of glass. The time Rebecca hid behind our great-grandmother's casket and proceeded to poop her pants at the funeral. The way Rachel ordered at restraunts, eyeing the waiter through her round Harry Potter style glasses and reiterating, "I want cold, white milk." The way summers used to be still and long when the locusts called from the forest.
I'm still waiting to find out what is wrong, but I'm doing it in the happiest place possible.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
BUT, there are times when I make an exception. Every blue moon I get inspired.
Meet Mel and Jordan. They're our friends and fellow church-goers. They are cute-tastic.
Mel used vintage postcards for her save-the-date notifications.
She used lots of cool stamps for the invitations. This will no doubt be one fabulous wedding. So I take my hat off to you, Mel and Jordan. You inspired a non-weddingy gal. May God bless you both as you enter into matrimony, wish we could be there!
My sister Becca will be walking down the isle very soon. She's just like me. She made catering decisions in 30 minutes. She found her dress in one shopping trip. She has to be cut-throat though, she only got back from China a month ago. And she's going back for another year. It makes me sad every time I think about it. So I don't think about it. I just concentrate on the fact that I get to see her all summer.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
People are awesome. They ask me, "How are you? Are you better?"
And honestly, no.
I feel like my body is rebelling.
They're testing me for Lyme Disease.
How's that for a batch of good news?
I've felt like the little blue train.
"I think I can, I think I can..."
I love her so.
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:17-18